Hello readers! I hope that you are well and able to use your smiling muscles.
No story typing this Tuesday. Going to go on a people problem safari instead. Now I’m not psychic, but I bet I know what question might be on your mind right now. What’s a people problem safari, am I right? Who was thinking breakfast lunch or dinner? Hmm… Not a bad idea! I wish I’d thought of it. Sigh. Maybe later. I got a blog to type.
A people problem safari? It’s when you hunt down a personality monster. The one I have in mind today is one that causes people to have big problems in their relationships.
This personality problem is a real beast. A real ferocious monster. If it gets loose in a friendship, dating, or a marriage relationship, or what-have-you, it can start tearing that relationship apart within a very short time. This creature we’re hunting today is called expectation. Let’s blog!
Expectation? Yup. Expectation. It can break up a relationship as easy as a waterfall rushing through a cheap napkin. Let me just x-ray the expectation monster for you. Man! Now where did I leave my x-ray flashlight? Uhhh… Did it roll under the couch? Uhhh, yup! There it is!
Okay. Inside the expectation monster, it has a hidden stinger. The stinger is filled with selfishness poison. “Stinger? Selfishness poison? Dude! Will you just hurry up and tell me what in the Sam Hill you’re talking about!” Sorry reader. My bad. Let me give you the short version of how the expectation monster works.
The expectation monster gets into a person’s mind when they are born and becomes part of their thinking. And as the person grows up into adulthood, they get into the practice of placing expectations on the way their friend, date, fiancé, or spouse should behave towards them and everybody else.
The expectation monster isn’t a problem as long as person’s expectations are satisfied or kept in check. But in the case where they are not, in a person that isn’t any good at neutralizing an Expectation Monster, it roars into action! Then a person’s mouth becomes it’s stinger. Before you know it, a person’s words become poisoned with selfishness, and strikes out without any kindness. Let me give you an example.
Two high school friends, Jeff and Lee, are at the park shooting hoops. Jeff disrespects one of the boys on the opposing team and starts a serious argument. Jeff, expecting Lee to back him up, boldly hits the opposing team member in his chest. A fight breaks out. Jeff gets a black eye and loses the fight.
After the fight is over, Jeff gets mad at his friend for not doing what he had expected him to do. -Which was to help him beat up the boy that he had hit in the chest.
Jeff curses and yells at Lee, calls him a coward, and a fake friend, and tells Lee that they’re not going to be friends anymore. Ever! Are you starting to see how the expectation monster works?
Being friends, in Jeff’s mind, meant that their friendship lasted only as long as Lee was willing to satisfy his expectations. -Whether he was in the right or in the wrong, Jeff didn’t care. All that mattered to Jeff was that his friend didn’t meet his expectation of what he thought a friend should be.
One more example, right quick. A man and a woman have been dating for over a year. The man loses his job and is barely looking for a new one because…? Pssst. This is one of those fill in the blank moments. I’ll wait. Tick tock tick tock. My my, would you look at the time. Head em up, and move em out. Got to get back on the blog.
The man has his own apartment and his own bills. But he’s not worried. He has his girlfriend. And because she is his girlfriend, he expects her to gladly loan him, without any hesitation, the money he needs to get through the month. But she chooses not to meet his expectation. (Oh wow! What a bummer!) She refuses to loan him so much as a bus token. Grrrrr! Watch out lady! Because your boyfriend is about to release the expectation monster!
Out of curiosity. Does anyone think the girlfriend was being a bad girlfriend? -A little too stingy with her money? Just wanted to get an opinion.
The man? After finding out that his expectations weren’t going too be honored, he turns into a four story reptile on the rampage, breathing out laser destruction!
First thing out of the man’s mouth, he reminds his girlfriend of all the times he had helped her out. All the times he paid for them to go on fun weekend trips, and the times he had loaned her money. Once was to loan her money to buy her mother a $300 birthday gift, and one time to help her get her car fixed, and so on. But when she still refused, the Expectation Monster in him went wild! He said everything he could think of to shame and bully her into meeting his expectations.
He told her that she was a user, and that she didn’t really care about him. And that he was going to take her to civil court for the $100 she still owed him if she didn’t help him out. And on top of that, he accused her of cheating on him. Growwwl, rip, and tear!!! In the end, the man and his Expectation Monster completely destroyed his relationship.
As a side note; the man tried to get back with his girlfriend later that week, but it was too late. She had seen the Expectation Monster in him and was through with him.
Having expectations is not a bad thing really. But when our expectations get to be bigger than anybody would ever want to live up to, that’s where the expectation monster in us gets it’s strength.
Remember this. When we set our expectations too high for people to want to meet, we make ourselves less attractive.
It’s okay to expect people to be kind, courteous, respectful. -Which may or many not happen. But we shouldn’t expect people to change every time we think up a brand new expectation for them to live up to. -Or to change everything about themselves to satisfy how we expect them to be.
It always helps to be honest. If you expect a person to pay for everything, and they can’t afford it… No. I’m not asking anybody to give up their expectations. But I am suggesting that you find someone who can live up to your expectations. But I should warn you though. Trying to find somebody that can live up to all of your expectations is going to be hard work! I’ve seen people try to do it! Please. Let us have a moment of silence for those people who tried. They gave it their all.
Whoops. Before I reach ten thousand words, let me tell you what keeps the expectation monster from becoming a problem in a person’s life. Any guesses? Aw c’mon. It’s easy.
Brainwashing people? Nooo. Hanging around people that are easily influenced? Uh, nooo. Hire a yes man or woman? Really???!!!
Bottom line, the answer is… Drumroll please! Learning to love people the way they are, and not trying to force or manipulate them into changing themselves. Ta Daaaaa! I can’t take the credit for that one. God gave me the 411.
I’m not going to try to fool you. Loving people the way they are is tougher than letting the expectation monster run loose in your mind. Love takes real effort. But love will build a relationship, and keep the expectation monster’s destructive stinger from doing any harm in your relationships.
Reader. I’m imagining you being here. Let me say that I am very glad you gave this blog a visit today.
I leave you with this thought. It’s okay to believe in God, because He believes in you. Okay. (Poof!) I’m gone.