Howdy you all! Happy Tuesday to ya. Is today a high five kind of day, or an almost high five kind of day for you? Me? It feels like a slam dunk, touchdown, soccer goal, home run kind of day! I get to write this blog in good health, and later on, I get to raid the refrigerator! Simple pleasures have been known to cause people to experience a smiling sensation.
Today I’m going to lighten up and type a fiction short story at ya. Got to mix a little fun stuff in with the vegetables, I like to say. Or like Mary Poppins used to say, “Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.” Post time! And we’re off!
Two nineteen year old teenage boys stand and admire the automotive splendor of the sports model Dodge before them. It’s jet-black aerodynamic body design glistens and shines in the early afternoon sun like like a monarch racing transport. Everything about this car whispers the promise of near turbine speed, from its raised hood air scoop, to its flashy mag wheel tires and rear air spoiler.
“Man Hooper, doesn’t this baby have everything you could ever want or think of? Just look at it! She has the whole package. …Dual exhaust, a posi-traction rear end, a 5.9 hemi motor with twin turbo chargers. And dude, check this out. It has a stand alone computerized electronic fuel distribution system! The guy that sold it to me says she’ll do zero to sixty in five point one seconds flat out, running on just two wheels!”
Hooper Cooper wrinkled his eyebrows, folded his arms, and shook his head. “Are you serious Brandon? You should have checked with me before you bought this car. To start with… A 5.9 hemi motor doesn’t come with twin turbo chargers. And two… They don’t put 5.9 hemi engines in Dodge Chargers. And three… …Stand alone fuel distribution systems are not a standard item on any car. Are you kidding me? …A five to ten thousand dollar independent computer system installed in a factory made car? Dude… Please wake up and smell the motor oil!”
Brandon Michaels’ quickly reacted to his friend’s scolding comments by scrunching his face into a resentful frown. He was an inch shorter than Hooper, though far less muscular, and looked every bit the suburban version of a beach buddy. The version that didn’t have a tan, but did wear floppy sandals, shredded faded jeans, a neon yellow tank top, with a matching colored baseball cap. But his reply was 100% beach buddy. “Oh yeah?! Well then, since you know so much about how my car is put together, I got a hundred dollars that says everything I just told you that’s on this car, is in this car. So are you in, or are you out?”
Hooper took a second to stroke his chin and think. For a six foot-one nineteen year old boy, Hooper was very up to date on automotive data. He lifted car data like the weights he lifted in his parent’s garage. -Which was everyday. And unlike Brandon, who was strongly motivated to wear beach buddywear, Hooper was wild about sportswear. If it had a sports company logo on it, he had it in his closet.
Hooper stared hard at Brandon a second more before answering, “Okay, hold on a minute Brandon. You just bought this car from a used car dealer, right?” “Yeah Hooper. That’s right. So what about it? You gonna man up with the money, or are you gonna to wimp out?” “Didn’t I just say hold on Brandon? It’s just that before you get started counting my money, I want to know something.” “Like what?” Brandon said. “Like is everything you say is on this car… They said is standard??” “Yeah Hooper, they told me that everything on this car is factory specs. The salesman told me that there’s no after market nothing on this machine. So now what’s the hold up?” “Nothing. Just keep your baseball cap on dude. Let me just check something on my cell phone, and we can work on getting your hundred shipped to my pocket address. So keep your wallet were you can get at it without having to hurt yourself reaching for it.” “Fine with me. Go ahead. Take your time.” Brandon said with a huge smile.
Between a 21 second wait and the southern California heat beaming down on him, Brandon was starting to run a little bit low on patience. “Okay Hooper. It’s been about a minute. What’s the deal? You in or you out?” Hooper looked up from his phone and smiled. “Oh I’m definitely all the way in dude! Raise the hood.” “Now you’re talking! Hold on. There you go,” Brandon pointed excitedly. “See! There’s the twin turbo charger unit right there. And what’s that sticker say on the engine? Let me know if you have any trouble reading it. I can go get my sister to help you out. She just passed the fourth grade.” “No no. I got it. It says five point nine.” “That’s right Mr. Hooper. Five point-nine just like I told you! And I’d like you to take a big guess at who’s going out tonight with your hundred dollars in his pocket?” Hooper stood up straight and waggled his index finger back and forth at Brandon. “I wouldn’t bet on it Brand-man.” “Are you serious Hooper? Do you need bifocals or something?”
Hooper slides his hands into his warmup pant’s pockets, and cocks his head slightly to his left. “Nope. Don’t need bifocals, but I do need to see the stand alone fuel distribution system sometime today.” “Oh yeah. Sorry,” Brandon said with embarrassment. He motioned Hooper to come around to the front passenger door of the car. Once they get there, Brandon opens the car door and opens up the center arm rest. “There you go Hooper. Now do you believe me?” Brandon points to the device in question and declares, “There is my stand alone computer system for the fuel feed. …Money please.”
Hooper quickly holds up a hand. “Not so quick Brandon. Let me show you something first.” “Like what Hooper? How you can stall me out of my money?” “Nope. I don’t need to. Take a look this,” Hooper invites, and hands Brandon his cell phone. Brandon takes the phone slowly from Hooper, feeling an unidentified sense of dread radiating up between his shoulder blades as he starts to read.
Brandon was sure he had felt this way before. It was the same exact way he had felt the moment a loose floor board had given way under the weight of his foot.
Brandon was barely reading loud enough to be heard, as he scrolled his way down the screen. Mumble mumble mumble. …fake engine sticker. Mumble mumble mumble. …video game parts. Mumble mumble mumble. …Hasbro toy parts? Brandon suddenly looked up with a weak smile showing on his face, and, this time, mumbled loud enough to be heard. “Ummm… Uh, Hooper… About our bet.” “I know. Don’t worry about it Brandon. I’ll take cash or Cash App,” Hooper said, moving towards the front of the car. Brandon followed him as though he were walking to the principal’s office to discuss setting up a meeting with his parents.
When they reached the front of the car, Hooper points at something in the engine compartment. “Brandon, you see your turbo charger here?” Brandon jerks his head up to look at the sky. “Hooper, there’s a lot of clouds up there. I think it’s going to rain. Let’s go inside.”
Hooper looks up at the sky a second, and then back down at Brandon. “What are you talking about man? There’s not one cloud in the sky.” “Yeah, but…” Brandon tried to protest. “No yeah buts—look here, and watch this.”
Brandon looked with horror as he witnessed Hooper started wrenching back and forth at the cover of one of his engine’s turbo chargers. “No wait Hooper! Don’t…!” Squeeek, snopt! “See how easy that came off?” Hooper said with satisfaction. “Now look at this Brandon. See underneath this cover where it says Hasbro manufacturing?” Brandon couldn’t take his eyes away from the cover piece in Hooper’s hand, or at the sticker Hooper was pointing at that said Hasbro. Hooper could see that his friend needed a little help getting back to reality. So he began snapping his fingers in front of Brandon’s face.
“Hey Brandon, are you paying attention?” Brandon barely nodded yes. “Yeah Hooper. I’m paying attention, but I don’t want to. Is that the same Hasbro that makes toys?” “Yeah Brandon that’s them. Some of the parts on your car were taken off some of the toy cars that Hasbro makes. Now come back around here to the passenger seat.” “Do I have to?” Brandon mourned. “I wouldn’t have it any other way dude. Now look here and watch this.” “Man, please don’t tell me that my stand alone fuel distribution computer is a fake too?” Hooper held a finger in the air to get Brandon to wait. “Let me just get this cover off, and we’ll know for sure. Aaaaand there you go.” Brandon looked down at the device Hooper held in his hand, that looked like and was a video game console. “Aw naw!! This is a daytime nightmare dude! It’s an older model of a Play Station unit!” “Breaks your heart don’t it Brandon? You want me to show the rest of what you really don’t got?” “No Hooper, I’ve seen enough for one day.” “Good to hear,” Hooper commented. “So next time I tell you to check out a used car dealer, before you go down there, you’ll do that and take me with you, right?”
“Yeah Hooper. But these guys have been in business since I was in High School.” “Well, you’ve only been out of High School for a year dude. But never mind that. You always have to check out used car dealers to make sure they don’t clean your credit card. You know I know about this stuff, right?” Brandon placed a hand on either side of the radiator, let his shoulders slump with misery and said, “Yeah, you’re right Hooper.” Hooper barely heard him. He was typing something into his phone’s web browser. Within seconds he found what he was looking for.
“Let me see. Local used car dealer owner under investigation for fraud. Mumble mumble mumble. …Local police found evidence of car doctoring.” “Wow Brandon, I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay Hooper. I learned a lot from this.” “I’m glad to hear you say that Brandon. But you know what else has really got me feeling bad for you.” “What?” Brandon asked, looking anxious.
Hooper put an arm around Brandon’s shoulder, and said with a brotherly smile, “What really has me feeling bad for you dude, is that you’re going to have to fight traffic all the way to the ATM to get me five $20 bills.” Both boys stared at each other a few seconds, tried to hold it in for two more, and then started laughing like they had just seen a Pekinese chasing a skinny dog catcher.
Before you buy at a car lot, know a lot. -Take somebody with experience with you. Buying a used or new car can be like shark fishing, ya?
As always, thanks for reading. I hope that God will steer you to a very happy smile! B Y E.