Out of the electronic circuitry of the internet comes… BLOGGER MAN! Hi! Not too dramatic I hope. Marvel and DC comic books is where I used to hang out when I was a teenager. You could probably tell, right?
I hope that you are in the blessed percentile group today. Hey. Anybody feeling like a short story? Nod once for yes and once for no. I know, I know. You’re looking at your screen and saying, “Is this guy for real? That doesn’t make any sense.” …And you would be 100% right! But let’s look at it this way. It kind of does make sense, because I’m not able to see anybody nodding one way or the other.
Quick! Look at your screen! Now typing words in slow motion! Swoooosh, clack-ity clack-ity clack-ity clack! Let’s blog!
Raymond Summers, as usual, was running late for work. And just as usual, everything seemed to be working against him. Traffic lights staying red too long, riding in a moving parking lot of traffic that was inching its way down the highway, and then there was the big ordeal of trying to find a parking space in the parking garage. -One that wasn’t quite seven floors above street level. And now… Here he was sprinting for an elevator that was almost completely full of passengers .
“Hey, hold the elevator!” Raymond shouted the words with as much dignity as he could. Businessmen weren’t supposed to yell in the building, but missing this elevator ride would no doubt make him an extra two minutes later than he already was. Please let there be someone in the elevator who will take pity on me, he thought.
The people inside the elevator were not particularly interested in squeezing in another unwanted body into an already bulging high rise elevator space. -Which is probably why no one made a move to prop the elevator doors for him. -Which resulted in Raymond reaching the elevator just in time for the doors to close and shut him out. Immediately this brought out the best of Raymond’s bad side.
He banged on the closed elevator door with the flat of his hand, and freely expressed his feelings in words that would make a Sunday school teacher pray for a set of ear plugs.
After a people-packed ride up to the floor he worked on, Raymond walked into his office at 7:23am—only 23 minutes late, and was greeted by his desk phone ringing at him like an excited security alarm. He didn’t bother setting his brief case down, as he hurried over to answer it.
“Hello Mr. Sherman. Good morning sir. Oh yes sir. No I haven’t forgotten that we have a meeting at seven o’clock.” Raymond lied. “I’m sorry for being late Mr. Sherman. But I’ve been in the restroom. I was kind of dizzy, but now I’m okay. Oh yes sir. I was just on my way there. Sir? Why didn’t I call? Sorry sir. I forgot and left my cell phone in my office. Hello? Hello? Mr. Sherman?”
It’s lunchtime. Raymond has been waiting twenty-two minutes at his table for his lunch order. “Man these people are so slow,” he grumbled under his breath. His waiter finally arrives with his lunch at the twenty-third minute. “Here you are sir. Catfish, fries, and a coke.” Raymond puts both of his hands on the table, palms down, grits his teeth, and says… “Are you kidding me? I ordered the chicken Cordon Bleu with an iced tea.” “Oh! I’m so sorry sir. I’ll go back and fix your order.” Raymond grabs up his newspaper in a fury, and stands up. “Look man, don’t bother. I’m leaving, and I’m never coming back.”
“Please, sir, wait! I’m really so sorry. I’m new on the job. It’s my first day. Please let me go back and fix your order.” “Sorry dude. You had your chance. I’m outta time, and I’m outta here.”
It’s after work now. Raymond is on his way to the supermarket. He’s talking to his wife on his cell phone. “Man, Neressa, I’m telling you that it’s been the kind of day you wish you’d stayed home for.” Suddenly, there is the sound of a police siren behind Raymond’s car. He looks in his rear view mirror and spots a police car lit up for business, pacing his Volkswagen Jetta like it was his car’s shadow.
“What’s the problem officer? I wasn’t speeding was I?.” “No sir, you weren’t. But you were talking on a cell phone in a school zone. License and proof of registration please.” “But officer, it’s 3:58pm, schools are out now.” “Well sir. That is true, but if you’ll observe the sign over by the curb, it says that this school zone doesn’t end until 4pm.” “ARE YOU…” “Is there something you want to say to me sir???”
Raymond is now in the supermarket checkout paying for a twelve pack of beer and some pretzels. Thank goodness this day is about to be over, he’s thinking. “That’ll be $26.21 sir.” Raymond hands the clerk his credit card and she swipes it. “Uh sir… Your card is showing an insufficient balance.” Raymond turns his face into a mean scowl. “Lady, are you serious? I’ve got enough of a balance on this card to buy this flipping store! Swipe it again.” She swipes the card a second time. “Sir, I’m sorry, but it’s still showing an insufficient balance. Would you like to pay in cash?” “No I wouldn’t. I don’t have any. Here. Here’s my other credit card. Swipe it and let me get out of here.”
When Raymond gets to his car again he calls his wife. “Nareesa. How come my credit card is saying that it has an insufficient balance? What’s going on?” Raymond suspiciously asks. “Oh wow. Mine isn’t working either. Let me call the bank, and I’ll call you back okay?” “Yeah, no problem. I’m on the way home.”
Five minutes later Nereesa calls back. “Hi Nereesa. What did the bank say?” “Ray they said that both our cards are showing an insufficient balance.” They’re gonna check into it and call us back as soon as they find out something.” Raymond rides the next half mile in silence, and then says, “Nereesa, how could both of us have an insufficient balance? I only use my card for small purchases only, and you are only supposed to use yours the same way.”
Nereesa breaks out into tears and wails like Congress just outlawed the Home Shopping Network. “Ray, it’s really all the bank’s fault! They didn’t bother to call and tell me that I had accidentally maxed out both our cards yesterday!”
Raymond drives another half mile wondering if his blood pressure had gotten high enough for an ER visit. “Ray? Ray? Baby, are you there? Please talk to me.”
This story brings to mind a song by Daniel Powter, titled “Had a Bad Day.” Thanks for the song Mr. Powter. And thank you readers for reading!
May God’s Grace follow you around like sunshine.