How’ve you been reader? It’s Tuesday, almost. Today is Monday. But no sense in waiting till the last minute, I’m thinking.
Feeling like having a little fun today? I got this story… Wait! Hold them taters a minute! Let me just sign an affidavit, get sworn in, and recite the Boy scout oath. Today’s story is totally fictitious. Fake, made up, Hollywood fiction, and a total fairytale. There. That should do it.
No. I’m not seeing a behavioral specialist. Am I? Who said that? Just kidding, you guys! Just want to make sure that nobody thinks this story I’m getting ready to write is real. Just wanted to get my alibi into print. Sooo… I guess I’ll start tapping these keyboard letters now. It’s story time!
In the deepest darkest uncharted jungle region of ancient Mumbacunda, a rare perennial plant grows natively known as the Wetaykawaa. It only grows in the country of Mumbacunda and no where else on Earth. Curiously enough, it has never received the fame it should have. A plant like this should have had front page exposure in every medical journal and newspaper on Earth! But as you read on further, you will find out that this has not been the case.
Had the Weetaykawaa ever become widely known after its discovery, it would have become the most wanted and the most important plant ever to grow anywhere on the face of the Earth!
It is quite natural to assume that people would like to know why such a plant never became one of the wonders of the world. Let me express to you why it should have been.
The Weetaykawaa has the miraculous medicinal power to cure forgetfulness for a few months at a time. Whoever eats a few of its leaves, their memory capacity would be boosted by as much as a 75% for a few months. The Weetaykawaa, on the stock exchange, meant one thing for sure. -A whole lot of cha-ching cha-ching! If you added up this plant’s worth into dollars, it would be worth more than all the patent rights on the modern jet engine.
If you’re the curious type, and I believe that you are. You might be yelling, “What ever happened to this Weetaykawaa plant, and why isn’t it on the market?” Hold on minute. Before you go hollering for Google to enlighten you, let me do a little typing atcha.
A guy named Antone Willisneer was the only person ever to bring live Weetaykawaa plants back to civilization. This was back in the year 1863. For all you mathematicians, this was 163 years ago.
Antone Willisneer formed an expedition that discovered the Weetaykawaa in Mumbacunda, back in 1863. Antone, his native guide, and four village porters undertook a month long trek into the jungle, to catalogue rare plants and flowers, in the southeastern section of Mumbacunda’s uncharted jungle.
Haplessly, the expedition ran into a couple of bad misfortune occurrences. Two days after they departed from an outpost village, they ran into a small hostile tribe of Mumbacundan Rarstaffi people, and were attacked. The battle was slight. In as much as all the expeditioners were armed with rifles, and defending themselves against aggressors who had only ancient weapons. But good fortune smiled on all the expedition members. Not one of them suffered even the slightest injury. But they did, however, lose a small portion of their food supplies, ammunition, and one pack animal. Which proved to be critical a week later, when they ran out of food, ran low on bullets, and had one less pack animal to carry all of their remaining supplies.
Naturally, out of pure necessity, Antone and company were forced to eat whatever they were able to eat and not gag back up. Here and there, they were also able to eat from the selection of the animals in the jungle that were food for other animals. But when the expedition encountered any of the animals that ate other animals, it was very necessary to treat them to a bullet as well.
Long story short… By week three they had become completely lost. Their water was low, and desperate times was ahead of them.
Rather than starve they began looking for edibles among the plants they found around them. One plant, Antone noticed, was a short plant with dark glossy green leaves. They were as plentiful in the area as corn in a corn field. They drew lots to see who would be first to give these plants a try. The guide lost, or won, depending on how a person reasoned it. And as it turned out, the guide didn’t get sick. On the contrary! He smiled and smacked his lips! Not only did the leaves have a minty good flavor, but he could remember every tree, rock, and trail they had passed by. -Even from the outpost village to where they were now.
It proved to be the most joyous discovery of their lives. Because they had discovered the next best thing to the fountain of youth!
They ate their fill of Weetaykawaa leaves, rested for a bit, then built containers to fill with soil to transplant the plants into. The guide was the one to name the plants, and Antone agreed.
After eating the Weetaykawaa leaves, they all knew the way back, and had no trouble at all remembering where all the dangers were. With ease they were able to avoid them all.
Picking up fruit occasionally along the way, they retraced their steps back to Mumbacundan civilization. And from there Antone went back to the Untited States. But before he did, he had talked all the expedition members into going into business with him. And promised them all, that if they would allow him to take all the plants they had brought out of the jungle, he would make them all very rich men when he got back to America. But little did Antone know what was waiting for him when he got home.
It was very unfortunate that that Antone hadn’t had any Weetaykawaa leaves to eat before he left the United States to come to Mumbacunda. Because if he had, he wouldn’t have forgotten that he was supposed to set up a payment plan to pay off his years of back taxes to the IRS before he left home.
As it happened, a tax agent coincidentally showed up at the University laboratory where he worked, the very day he returned with the Weetaykawaa plants.
Antone, having no money to speak of, told the tax agent about the Weetaykawaa plants and what they could do. It was the first time in the history of the IRS that a tax agent had ever laughed during an audit.
But even so, faster than you could say 1040EZ, the agent seized the plants, garnished Antone’s wages, went back to his office, and telegraphed Washington DC of his Weetaykawaa discovery. And from that day forward, the Weetaykawaa plants were never heard of again.
That is… Until today. Don’t ask me how I found this out, but… The government annually passes out Weetaykawaa pills to all of its tax agents and legal staffers, the first week in April. They have been doing this since 1865. And it has since been Washington DC’s greatest secret!
And I can assure you that the US government has never ever forgotten to collect taxes from then until now. -Or has ever forgotten who owes them, or will owe them, or who has missed a payment, or how much a person makes before they get to spend it.
The IRS, in honor of the Weetaykawaa’s discovery, added Weetaykawaa leaves to it’s logo, right next to the scales of justice and the American Eagle. And also in honor of the Weetaykawaa, they came up with this unforgettable promise. When it comes to Income We Take Away.
I hope you had a good read! Thanks for visiting. I’m hoping good things from God for ya! B Y E